RuMbLe jUmBLE...

assalamualaikum...
warning: this is a very emotional yet confusing together with boring post...just something in my head and heart  that I want to let out...

I've been really stressed out recently...This last couple of days, my feelings are all mixed up. I am excited, scared, worried, happy...some nights I just don't know anymore (ok, now, i'm just quoting a song, is it correct, though?).

I'd already been called to report duty on 22nd July. I still not be able to complete my lab work. I need to travel to and fro (Tganu-Penang) possibly every weekend to do my lab work. Yes, it is my own fault that I worked too slow and not to mention my limited capabilities to understand the subject. Oh, well.

Then again, I don't know whether I should just move alone to Tganu or bring my Umar together with my parents until I've done completing my lab work or my husband finally transfer to Tganu. The problems are Tganu is far from Ipoh, not like Penang, and if I came back, I'll be in Penang, not Ipoh. How am I supposed to see my Umar? I don't want to troubled my parents to bring Umar to Penang every week, and what if I got busy and can't go back?

If I move to Tganu with Umar, my parents had to tag along. I know they are more than willing to take care of my son and myself, but still, it can be burdensome to them. Their home, basically their whole life is in Ipoh. My lil bro wouldn't want to go back to Tganu during his holiday, and I understand that, of course.

Searching rented house in Tganu also bring me headache. There's so many house owners prefer to make their house as a homestay and others rent it to students. Yes, they can gain more profits by doing that. The houses that I like, on the other hand, costs around rm1000/month. Definitely out of our budget. It's crazy.

Earlier this morning, I received good news. Alhamdulillah, even though I didn't went to it last two months, I am still gifted with the other opportunity. I know I can't go, but still it's a good news. But, I started to waver again. Whenever I received this kind of news, I will start wavering. I wonder if it is a sign from Allah or it is just another hiccups. I am totally over it the last time it came. But now, I began to ponder...again, for maybe the fourth time...